So THAT'S how they do it!

Hey...I hear those people who are able to regularly update their blogs do so because they actually PUBLISH things, rather than building one epic rant piece over several evenings.

I guess it's time for VH1's Behind the Blog: Maimed Snail.

Reliving the parking lot experience kept making my mind so weary, I'd fall asleep. It happened, like, four days in a row. Uncool. Must get better at this.

Okay, that's all.

Happy Fourth of July, everyone. Happy 228th birthday, Declaration of Independence. Only a John Han-cocky person like me would bother taking up so much room on an uberimportant historical document, or take up so much room in your busy day reading a fulmination on the poor driving habits of dirt people.

Ugh. The thought still gives me chills. If you don't think Hancock was an obnoxious fellow for writing so big, then you must have the proper tolerance for me.

If so, read on...